Vacation of My Discontent

To Whom It May Concern,

I am writing to formally object to the vacation I have been subjected to against my will.  It is entirely unreasonable for me to put up with these conditions.  A personal pool overlooking the ocean is disgusting.  I will not put up with such torture.

 

And those lounge chairs?  You expect me to grace those things with my presence?  You would have to force me into them with a cocktail and an iPod. 

 

Clearly you made this queen-sized hammock for someone who enjoys relaxing.  I can't imagine taking a nap there every day for the next week.  That would be ridiculous.  Silly.  Unbelievable. 

I send no compliments to your mother.  You deserve no such attention.  I am most seriously displeased. 

Yours in protest,
K